There's a reason why there's a whole section of your local Barnes and Noble dedicated to "Self-Help" books and tapes. Most of us have perused and bought books from that sectionsome may have worked, others not.but the reason we gravitate there is because we want to solve our problem of low self-confidence. Whether it's because of your weight, your height, your appearance or something else, low self-confidence can negatively affect most of your life, especially your dating life.

I'm not qualified to lecture you on how to increase your self-confidence, but I am going to reinforce the basic fact that having a strong self-confidence will help your dating life immensely. As human beings looking for a mate, we are programmed to look for someone who we can have fun with, are attracted to, but who also recognizes their strengths and are proud of their accomplishments. A confident mate reflects positively on you, so it follows that you want to date someone who is self-aware and self-confident. And, obviously, the reverse is just as true.


How do you become confident in yourself? Again, I'm not Dr. Phil. But I can offer some gentle guidelines:

1. Do what you love, even if it's just a hobby. If you don't like your job, but have to do it to make a living, do something in your free time. Doing what you love will not only increase your confidence, it will help you meet people with similar interests.

2. If there's something cosmetic about yourself that you don't like, work toward changing it. I'm not advocating an extreme makeover with plastic surgery and shopping sprees. But maybe a new haircut or one new outfit to brighten up your closet. Or, you could re-arrange your house/apartment to brighten up your surroundings.

3. Get your friends to tell you why they are your friends. If they truly are your friends, they will be happy to answer this question. And the answers should surprise you (i.e., she isn't your friend just because you have a pool).

4. Get some exercise. It helps. Not only will your body look better, but your mood-enhancing hormones will start to flow freely and your whole outlook will change.

So, it comes down to an obvious, but very important point: when you're self-confident, REALLY self-confident (and not self-absorbed) your whole dating life will turn from non-existent to amazing.